Adam and Eve and Apple..

The Other Half has finally given up his beloved Blackberry Pearl, which was so worn that the plastic beneath the chrome finish was all that was visible, and the trackball had lost all of it’s magic navigation capabilities and is left only with a sad and redundant clicking sound.

He now has been issued with an iPhone 4S, and I am drooling with envy. He, however, is less impressed. He called me on it yesterday in celebration (he knows how much I covet one), and the call quickly descended into a tirade against the ineptitude of Apple, because he couldn’t hear me, and no-one could hear him properly. The frustration of the next fifteen minutes, as I attempted to teach him how pressing the ‘+’ button on the side ┬áincreased the volume was eclipsed only by the time I tried to help my mother do an online real estate search while separated by the Atlantic Ocean, and an insurmountable technological gap.

It has continued at 5am this morning, when I brought him coffee and innocently inquired how he liked his shiny new phone.

“It’s a piece of s**t, I can’t even hear anyone! Tom and I spent ages last night trying to make it work, and even he couldn’t do it.” (Tom , aka the Less Wiggy One, is the Tech Genius of the family, more because of his cavalier willingness to press buttons without any concern for the consequences than any particular skill. I have the less impressive title of Call Center Queen).

Never were the differences between the sexes more apparent. The male version of problem solving was to shout at everyone in the near vicinity, press lots of buttons, curse the inventors, and then assume it must be the fault of the phone. The female version? Look carefully at the phone, remove the large piece of plastic protecting the screen and covering the microphone and speaker, and hand back with a smug grin..

An emergency iPhone training session is currently being run by the Feisty One, should anyone else be experiencing similar problems. She’s teaching him to use Siri, but bearing in mind it a) requires asking for help and b) answers in a female voice, I’m not holding out much hope..

It’s a good day to be a girl.

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