September must be cursed. I am currently experiencing the reverse Midas effect, where everything I touch goes to Hell. Still, it has a way to go before it beats my epic bad day of last year..

Not only did I tell God my plans, I wrote a list.. He had fun with it

 

Dropped the kids off at school, and met Emma to walk the dogs at 8.15. Took dogs on long hike, had a good natter, laughed about her hamster/cat veterinary emergencies; home by 10am feeling smug. Came around the kitchen counter to discover Kiwi (small black evil cat) missing half her lower jaw, covered in mud, dripping blood (on cream carpet). Hyperventilated, called vet we had been talking about only minutes before, scooped up cat, sped to vet. Waited, hyperventilated some more. cat examined, probably hit by car (better than the chewing by coyotes that was my guess) kept in for xrays and further examination. Came home to do accounts, pay bills etc, and generally try to fulfill aforementioned list. Called vet, cat needs surgery, go to see cat and get estimate of damage (physical and financial). 1654 bucks. Collect children, buy chips for tea ( will be beans and stale bread for the foreseeable future) bring kids home, start cooking tea. Other Half arrives home, tells kids about cat (I was keeping it quiet, cos they wouldn’t notice her absence for a couple of days and ┬áby then it might look a lot better) then wants to know what the red patches on the carpet are.. Calm Martha down, by now kitchen is full of smoke from burning burgers, go to tell Tom to walk dogs and ask him about his day (good parent moment), Chris helping Martha with homework (another good parent moment) oblivious to Hedgehog and Murphy (the dogs) heading out into the great blue yonder…. Tea is now cooked, but all recipients are scouring the countryside for the name-tag-less dogs who had their new name tags ordered 48 hours ago and will probably arrive tomorrow, just in time to label their coffins…
Hedgehog returns, looking very pleased with himself, I start swigging from a large glass of wine, Chris starts using foul language in reference to Martha’s maths homework, and the kids won’t eat their tea because it’s cold…

I decide I’ve had enough and head off to bed. Other Half goes to investigate cat related noise in lounge, only to find Casey (happy cat) has brought in a SNAKE. I wouldn’t know a poisonous snake if it jumped up and bit me on the backside, and now this is looking a distinct possibility. I attempt to keep a very annoyed cat from the snake, Chris tries to shoo snake out with a piece of kitchen roll, at which point I notice he is naked, and it all becomes rather surreal. Snake finally takes the hint and leaves, and I retire once more to bed to nurse my scratches.

You’ve got to laugh.

Hope your days went better!

 

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