I have just go off a ten hour flight with my family, most notably in close proximity to the Wiggy One, who spent the entire time wriggling, twitching, fidgeting and generally preventing me from getting any sleep whatsoever. However, in the spirit of positive parenting, I have put together a list of reasons why teenage sons may be a blessing, not a curse.
1. After years of lugging children, pushchairs, travel cots and change bags around, finally the tables are turned, and you have someone to carry your luggage, shopping etc. Even if they do make annoying whining noises the entire time.
2. You never again need to worry about leaving the house without an honest opinion on your appearance. Often unprompted.
3. You have a constant free source of feedback on how you could improve your driving technique, from the convenient location of the passenger seat.
4. Your morning preparation time is cut in half, as the bathroom is monopolized for the entire hour between 6.30 and 7.30 am. Credit should also be given for your newfound savings on cosmetics, grooming products and shampoo.
5. You gain an extra 2 hours every day as you rediscover the hours after 10pm, waiting for their return. Despite the fact that they have a cellphone, a voice plan and unlimited texts, all of which you pay for, but never seem to be on the receiving end of.
6. You only have to clean the fridge out once in a blue moon – most of the time, it looks like a plague of locusts has passed through.
7. You no longer need expensive gym memberships – all your exercise needs are taken care of in thrice weekly marathons around grocery warehouses, with the accompanying bending, hefting and carrying to meet the never-ending dietary requirements of the adolescent male.
8. You never need worry about other siblings poor behavior passing you by – not only will you have real time, on the spot notifications of any infractions, but you will have regular reminders in comparison to their own unblemished behavior.
9. You finally have someone who can resolve complicated problems with internet connectivity. And then absorb the entire bandwidth with medieval world domination.
10. You get to use the words “I can’t wait for you to have children” and really mean it. Just not for a long, long time.