expat disasters; nanny's applesacks

The Stalker

Celebrity status has arrived. I have my first stalker.

When I first struggled my way through the jungle that is WordPress, I has no idea why there would be a spam filter plug in (plug-ins, for those of you who are glazing over, is like those optional extras on the car adverts – you have no idea what they do or how they work, but you really, really want one). And then I started getting strange, grammatically incorrect messages from people offering illegal services. And while I like to think we welcome a diverse readership, I was not sure that their motives were honorable. So the spam filter plug-in was duly added, and the only comments I am now having to block are the somewhat sarcastic ones from my children. Freedom of speech only goes so far in this house.

However, today I had a Twitter greeting from a @lanceotero878, who was now ‘Following’ me. He was also Following 506 other people, but interestingly, no-one was Following him. It may have been his greeting,  “Come and visit me to stimulate my body and my mind” which was giving us all pause for thought. Now, I do like to think that this site has some cerebral content and if nothing else, I’m painting a very entertaining picture of how to do expat parenting badly. The ‘body’ bit, however, left me slightly nervous, especially as I was at that moment contemplating the impending arrival of a pair of Zaggora Hot Pants, whose sole purpose is to reduce the size of your rear and your cellulite by increasing heat, metabolic rate and sweating.. Probably not quite what he had in mind.

I am ruthless in the pursuit of knowledge, and so I clicked. And then I blinked at the vast array of female body parts arrayed before me, all wearing underwear that looked extremely uncomfortable, was made of manmade fibers and provided absolutely no support or coverage whatsoever. I can only think that they also all suffered from poor eyesight, because they all appeared to be searching the floor for a lost contact lens while wearing perilously high heels. Or maybe they’d just toppled over.

So I have resisted the invitation to follow @lanceotero878, but not before I sent him the links for Marks and Spencer, Fruit of the Loom, Lasik Today and Birkenstock. And if he continues, I’m going to send him a picture of me in the Zaggora Hot Pants. That should do it.


3 thoughts on “The Stalker”

  1. No clicking on unknown links! LOL! Delete, girl, delete! Ah well, everyone has to learn the hard way, I guess. Save yourself some time and START with the pic in the Zaggora Hot Pants. And by the way…where did you find those? 🙂

  2. 🙂 I own a pair of HotPants and I can confirm this will fix the stalker problem.
    I am no longer offered lifts by anyone (friend or foe) after the discovery that these marvels of science not only encourage huge amounts of perspiration they store huge amounts of perspiration and then release huge amounts of perspiration onto car upholstery. Not easily explained and frankly all a little un-nerving – these days I ride my bike to Zumba…(in my Hotpants of course).

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