The Twelve Lies of Christmas

It’s Boxing Day in Britain today, where history dictates that the Squires of the Manor share a feast with the peasants. In more modern times, it’s where people throughout the land recline on lounge furniture nursing stomachs bulging with leftover turkey sandwiches and watch James Bond reruns. It’s a time for contemplating the Christmas debris, for visiting eccentric relatives and for eating 70’s canapes (prunes wrapped in bacon, cheese and pineapple ‘hedgehogs’ and the ever present prawn cocktail). It’s the day you spend wondering where on earth December disappeared to, and why it brings out a touch of insanity in all of us.  So just for you, here’s a compilation of the the most common Christmas lies ever told..

  1. ” No, of course I didn’t mind your children waking me up at 4 am..”
  2. “What a wonderful idea to buy the children a drum set.”
  3. “I’ve always thought that soap-on-a-rope was so practical.”
  4. “It was very clever of you to notice his wrinkled shirts and realise I needed a new iron.”
  5. “No, I wouldn’t have preferred a spa voucher – I’ve always wanted Bear Foot slippers.”
  6. “I would never had guessed you had made it yourself.”
  7. “I love cooking dinner for 24 on Christmas Day, I’d just be sitting on the couch all day otherwise.”
  8. “Turkey is always better when it’s a little rare.”
  9. “Of course I remembered that you were a lactose intolerant vegan.”
  10. “You can never have too many brussel sprouts.”
  11. “No, you haven’t told me the one about when you met the Queen in ’72”
  12. “We must do this again next year..”

Feel free to add your own..



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