Category Archives: Cultural Intelligence

Relocation & Expat Resources – Cultural orientation, cultural intelligence. Information, Inspiration, How-To Guides and Tools for Trailing Spouses, Accompanying Partners, and Families in Transition and

Expat Success - Make your mistakes quickly. Defining Moves - The Art of Successful Relocation. Information, inspiration and resources for the global trailing spouse, accompanying partner, international assignment, expat family, expatriate

The Secret to Expat Success… And Why.

Expat Success - Make your mistakes quickly. Defining Moves - The Art of Successful Relocation. Information, inspiration and resources for the global trailing spouse, accompanying partner, international assignment, expat family, expatriate

 

 

I knew it. Finally, the insanity that is my expat life – and most of the website – has been vindicated, and it’s all thanks to Ellen Mahoney over at Sea Change Mentoring. She introduced me to the groundbreaking advice given by a tech start-up entrepreneur, as a recipe for global success and world domination…

 

Make your mistakes quickly

 

As a person whose family motto is “Disaster soon follows”, I have long been a proponent of this approach, with no idea that I was such thought leader. I had just assumed I was incompetent and (in a rare moment of self-acceptance) decided not to fight it. It’s a phrase that could be part of every expat mission statement, and should probably replace a lot of the well intentioned advice given in the all-too-brief briefing sessions; “learn the language”, “ get out and make friends” and my personal favorite “ join a gym”… Hmmm. Instead, the secret to expat success is familiar and effortlessly achievable – the global gaffe. And here’s why.

 

1. It reminds us that we will make mistakes.

In the assignment planning stage, it’s important to focus on the positive, but in doing so we often forget that expat life is still life. Mistakes happen, and when you are in an environment with unfamiliar language, culture, rules and expectations, they happen a lot. Making your mistakes quickly reminds us to expect – and even plan – for those mistakes. Whether that means working with a destination service provider or an expat coach, doing your own exhaustive research or simply being patient with yourself while you transition (or all of the above), it’s vital to acknowledge that perfection is impossible, and good enough is, well, good enough.

 

2. We focus on ‘right’ as a victory, rather than ‘wrong’ as a failure.

I once did a stint as a sales consultant and one of the job requirements was calling customers to set appointments. It was (and no doubt, still is) a miserable task –  you knew that your cheerful introduction could be greeted with anything from interest, to polite refusal, to a torrent of abuse and a dial tone. Thankfully, I was armed with a secret weapon; the company set targets for calls made, and let the actual results take care of themselves. So every call made was a relief – one less to do, one step closer to reaching the goal. Acknowledging that mistakes are inevitable (and in the early days, we are more likely to get it wrong than get it right) is incredibly freeing. It gives us permission to focus on the actions and let the outcomes take care of themselves. It prepares us for failure, and when things do go right, we get to stop, acknowledge it for the triumph that it is, and celebrate.

 

 3. It gets you out there.

Having taken away the fear of failure, there’s nothing like the element of competition to spur us on. Experienced expats (i.e. those who have been comprehensive in their cock-ups) can entertain for hours with hilarious stories of endless mishaps, miscommunications or general disasters; just visit the bar at any FIGT conference and listen for the raucous laughter if you don’t believe me. It’s the expat version of the Olympic Decathlon, with extra points for speed, style and variety. All that’s missing is the opening ceremony, the national uniforms and the lycra. But don’t let us stop you…

 

4. It helps you to bond.

If there’s one thing that unites the expat world, it’s our inability to watch people struggle without feeling some serious empathy. It’s one of the unwritten laws of expat life; we’re all in this together, and in my mind, there is a special place in Hell for expats who don’t help each other. Putting yourself out there and making mistakes publicly transports us all back to our early days and disasters, and gives us something in common that transcends language, culture or belief. It reminds us that we are human, and we love you for it.

 

5. It makes you brave.

Fear of failure is crippling, and stops us doing so many things that would take ordinary life and make it extraordinary. By contrast, being forced into situations where mistakes are inevitable and accepting them as a mere part of life’s journey gives us the motivation to be creative, to take risks and to try new things constantly. We dream big, and even if it doesn’t work out perfectly, we don’t go home. We learn that it hasn’t killed us, and we are really are stronger.

 

So there you have it – official permission to create chaos and have fun doing it. Providing of course, you follow our lead and share all your finer moments. Now we just need merit badges and an awards ceremony…

FIGT Conference March 22-23 2013

Why You (and every expat) Should Be Going to FIGT 2013

FIGT Conference March 22-23 2013It seems incredible that a year has passed since the last Families in Global Transition conference; forever infamous as the one where I had a complete (and very public ) online meltdown at the eminence and credentials of my fellow presenters, only to have my cover blown by one Judy Rickatson, (aka @wifeinasuitcase) who is the expat online version of Wikipedia. If it’s out there, she knows about it, Tweets, Likes and Pins about it, and, I strongly suspect, has superhuman powers. If she was in charge of the search for the Holy Grail, it would have been found years ago, and it has become my life’s work to try and find an expat blog that she hasn’t yet discovered. She is the Simon Cowell of the expat social media world, discovering talent from the four corners of the globe; only much, much nicer.

Hence my blubbering gaining the attention of various members and supporters of FIGT, who all headed across to the Defining Moves website to offer kind words, support and offers of hospitality. It was the single most generous spirited gesture, and it embodies all that is special about the FIGT organization. People with years of experience, a hugely diverse range of backgrounds and an incredible depth of knowledge, all passionate about making expat life better.

It’s why I can’t wait to go back this year, and why you should all be joining me too. It’s a two day whirlwind of people, presentations and discussions from every perspective; starting with a keynote presentation from the brilliant Pico Iyer. Whether you are an accompanying partner, a expat service provider or from corporate HR, you will leave with a wealth of information and a host of new friends and real, live expat human resources. The only dilemma is how to fit it all into two days.

As for me, I have very personal reasons to want to go there too. It will be the first time I will actually meet many online friends in person, both those who regularly pop up here in the comments sections, on the Facebook page and on my Twitter feed.

At the top of my list?

Judy, of course.

 

If you need more information about Families in Global Transition and the FIGT 2013 conference, here’s the link to their website, including information on registering, becoming a member (as well as all the other benefits, you qualify for a reduced registration fee), global affiliates, sponsorship,  the New Attendees information webinar and the New Attendees welcome evening. I hope to see you there!

Essential expat steps for speedier settling in - Defining Moves, Information, inspirations and resources for the global trailing spouse.

Essential Expat: Simple steps to speedier settling in.

Essential expat steps for speedier settling in - Defining Moves, Information, inspirations and resources for the global trailing spouse.I’m getting better at this moving thing. This comes as something of a relief, because this is the 8th house in 16 years. And despite the fact that we have bought yet another fixer-upper (there will be comprehensive mutterings on the dubious wisdom of buying this type of property as an expat, mainly because one consigns oneself to a life of finally getting somewhere habitable, only to leave within the next 3 months… it’s like clockwork…), on the whole I have remained emotionally intact, with only the odd descent into babbling incoherence – and then only when the drains back up for the fourth time in a month. Predictably, in the bathrooms that we just finished remodeling.

The more observant amongst you will have noticed that this calm and serenity comes at a price – namely the complete lack of any activity outside the house-hunting/mortgage application/signing on the dotted line/painting/tiling/grouting variety. Hence the echoing silence on the blog, causing those who know me well to be concerned by what for me is a very unusual silence.

Those of you who noticed and enquired about my life/health/sanity, thank you. I am now back, and your email inbox will once again be cluttered with occasional wisdom and eagerly awaited tales of the Other Half’s latest foray into home maintenance…

In the meantime, here are my essential steps to remaining sane, whether you are moving across town, across the country or across the world.

1. Know yourself.

It’s the defining moment of your first expat move – what to put in your household goods shipment. Especially if (like us) you have two small children and a container the size of the average office desk. What’s so important to you and your family, that you can’t leave it behind?

Eight years of expat life later, I know the answer, at least for myself. Our sense of family is strongest at mealtimes, so our dinner service – the plates, the silverware, the serving dishes – all get shipped. So do family pictures, treasured mementos, Christmas decorations and the numerous animals, but that’s about it. Furniture, clothes, books are all replaceable, so instead we use our allowance to take things that will make our future life easier. Things like industrial quantities of chocolate, laundry detergent and Bisto.

For you, it will be different. It may be bicycles, board games, films. The good news is that there is no right answer, there is only the answer that is right for you – and the only people who will ever know about your inability to part with your treasured collection of china cats will be you and the customs official…

2. Understand what lies ahead.

We all do it. Someone says they are being transferred to Hawaii, and we groan with envy; mention Angola and we wince – reactions purely based on second hand media reports and the odd travel brochure. Not exactly the most reliable source of expat advice, now we come to think of it. But there are plenty of excellent blogs, websites, forums, Facebook groups and networking sites, full of information and real, live people who have been there, done that. So do your own research from a wide range of sources, understand that the information you get will be from someone else’s perspective and use that to guide you.

3. Set up an expat and local support network before you go.

This is the era of the internet, of social media and of cheap VOIP calling, so you have no excuse for not staying in contact. Create your own expat preparedness kit; get an independent email address, set up social media profiles, sign up to cheap calling, get a comprehensive contact list, and start introducing yourself to your new network before you set foot on a plane.  If it all sounds too daunting to tackle by yourself, check out our guide and cheat sheets here and here.

4. Come prepared to make friends.

If you have done your research and made some social media contacts, you should know what other resident expats miss, what will be valued and what you can bring as ‘hostess gifts’. It’s an instant “in”, not because of the gift itself, but because you have shown you have what it takes to be a successful expat – the willingness to share, an interest in the welfare of others, and the understanding that not a single ounce/gram of luggage allowance should be wasted. Ever.

For those who are currently screaming the words, “I’m not moving to XXX just to mix with expats” at their screens, please don’t misunderstand me. I expect you all to get out there and meet whoever your heart desires, but take it from me, settling in and getting established is a whole heap easier with someone to point you in the right direction, who not only understands your language, but also where you are coming from. As a Brit in the US, I can assure you that there is plenty of scope for cultural misunderstandings, and I can only thank my lucky stars that the locals here are a forgiving bunch…

5. Know that you will have times when you want to go home.

That’s why you have set up your international communication strategy – so that when the rubber hits the road (or the other stuff hits the fan, and take it from me, it will, repeatedly), you have a voice at the other end of the line to help you get through it. In time, you will develop a local network, but for the first few months, use the “who wants to be a millionaire’ approach, and phone a friend. Preferably one who has the right answers.

6. Say yes.

You may have absolutely no interest in a tour of the local sewerage management facility / scrapbooking /fellwalking club, but if someone has invited you, say yes. It a) gets you out of the house, b) introduces you to a whole new set of people, c) shows that you are interested in trying new things (an essential trait in the successful expat) and d) if nothing else, gives you an excellent (and preferably hilarious) horror story to tell later (another accomplished expat characteristic).

7. Remember, it’s a numbers game.

The more people you meet, the greater your odds of meeting your expat soul mate, so the quicker you get out there, the better. No, you don’t have to commit to a lifetime study of yoga or the collected works of Agatha Christie – you just have to show up with a positive attitude, a desire to meet people, a willingness to go with the flow, and preferably, one of the aforementioned hostess gifts.

8. Give yourself space.

It’s the lesson that has taken me the longest to learn, because we all have such great expectations (some good, some bad) about our new life, but underestimate the amount of time, effort and sheer emotional energy that building it takes. For me, it meant taking an unplanned 3 month sabbatical from writing simply to move 5 miles across town. But I know from experience that my personal and family wellbeing are closely linked to a sense of home and a network of friends – and that takes work and commitment, so treat it like you would any other job and give yourself realistic goals, appropriate resources, and most importantly, time off. You need downtime, a moment or three where you are not on best behavior and where you get to please yourself and refill your cup.

 

As for me, things are gradually starting to get a little calmer; most of the walls are now painted, we have withstood the obligatory new home dramas and I am finally able to devote time to something other than project/crisis management. We are indeed, finally, settling down.

 

 

 

 

 

Cultural Orientation - How to Make Friends and Introduce People. Defining Moves - The Art of Successful Relocation

Really Useful Cultural Orientation – How to Make Friends and Introduce People..

Cultural Orientation - How to Make Friends and Introduce People. Defining Moves - The Art of Successful RelocationYou’ve spent the first half of your life learning acceptable social behaviour, the last ten years telling your kids not to care what people think, and then wham! Relocation. Suddenly you’re stuck right back where you were on the first day of high school, having to walk into places you really would rather run screaming from, and make nice with a sea of people who have no idea who you are. Welcome to our world.

If your cultural orientation training was anything like mine, it revolves around the country currency, demographics and religious practices. What it might not tell you is how to find the people with whom you can laugh, cry, and everything in between with. So here’s my best advice, based on years of social gaffes, awkward situations and offending people.

 It does get easier. Just as the first day of school was the worst for most of us (apart from the boy who had diarrhea in assembly in 9th grade – that’s a tricky one to beat), the first few weeks of any move are the hardest. The quicker you get out there and start circulating, the quicker you will find your first friend.

It’s a numbers game. You didn’t expect to like everyone in high school, and nor will you like everyone you meet, but you have to go through the numbers to get to one who will become lifelong friends. Go to as many gatherings as possible, safe in the knowledge that somewhere out there is someone who is doing the same thing and hating it every bit as much as you do..

Talk to a cherished friend beforehand, so that you are

  1.  more confident about yourself and will present yourself in a more relaxed way
  2. have vented all your relocation angst so that your new acquaintances don’t think you are a moany old whingebag and hereafter avoid you and,
  3. so you have someone impartial waiting to hear all the gory details. Knowing that you have someone far, far away who relish all the post party gossip and can never tell makes putting up with the fifteenth “what does your husband do?” far more palatable.

Go to where people gather to be social. This issue cropped up the other day – in Europe there are higher numbers of dual income families, so there are fewer opportunities to meet socially through school, and so a friend with school age children is struggling to meet new people.  Instead, take a class, or do something that people go to alone. And no, I don’t mean bars.

Be prepared to watch, learn and smile. There will be new social rules (cute does not have the same implicit meaning in the UK and the US), a new dress codes, language differences. You may be an avid taxidermist, but that’s probably not going to be your best icebreaker at the school social. And if you are anything like me, try to avoid sarcastic, flippant or hilarious remarks, such as “Will there be alcohol served?” at the new parent breakfast. My strategy is to seek out the person that sparks the most antipathy, and watch for who else in the crowd is wincing. Instant friend, right there.

Don’t undervalue yourself. Most relocation advice suggests voluntary work as a great way to develop a social network, and while this may be true, I have seen more people than I care to count take on the first volunteer opportunity that comes their way, only to end up in glorious isolation doing the photocopying for the PTA. (Actually, I met one of my favorite people doing exactly that, but I just got very lucky..). Find something that both gives you a sense of fulfillment and attracts like-minded people, and feel free to test drive opportunities before you commit. Tell them I said so.

Talk to anyone. My mother does this, and it drives me nuts, but she can find a friend faster than anyone I know. Her favorite targets are anyone with a British accent, anyone in a book store, anyone wearing Marks and Spencer clothing, and anyone with grey hair. And if you happen to have a baby, your chances of escaping uninterrupted are nil.

At all costs, avoid asking “What does your husband do?”. A little piece of my soul dies every time that question is asked in social circles, as if the person being spoken to is unworthy of interest. Add in the fact that you are assuming that they are a) married, and b) they don’t instead have a wife. My personal answer when asked is “Put a gun to my head and I still couldn’t tell you”; it conveys accurately both my knowledge of what he does, and my interest in finding out. As yet, no-one has taken me up on it, but feel free to find your own, less dramatic response.

In the interest of fulfilling the entire title, when you do finally get out and meet people to talk to, the basic etiquette rules of introduction are as follows:
Self Introduction:
“Hi /Hello / Nice to meet you”, “I am XXX”;  and then a single descriptor (e.g. “friend of the host”, “so and so’s colleague”, etc.)
Introducing Others: Generally, men are introduced to women, younger people to older people, and lower-ranking individuals to more senior – think of it as presenting a subject to the queen. So it would go: “Your majesty, this is my husband, the Other Half.” In a social setting, it is considered good form to give the newly introduced couple something to talk about. And no, that does not include politics, religion or embarrassing facts about each other..
I would like to pretend that I know these facts from early presentation to the Queen and life in elevated circles. Alas not.

Now it’s your turn – any suggestions?

Social Media useful for the relocating accompanying partner

Making Friends and Building Support Networks: Using Social Media in Expat and Domestic Relocation

Social Media useful for the relocating accompanying partnerOne of the most important parts of successful relocation – establishing a new social and support network – can also be one of the most difficult, especially when you first arrive. Social media is an excellent tool for expats, transferees and accompanying partners all to make their own connections and get established.

For those of you who missed this my not so quiet meltdown, I’m going to be presenting at the Families in Global Transition conference in March, and I don’t know a soul there. Enter Social Media – in my case Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin, and the miracle that is the search feature. I still haven’t met any of my new friends face to face, but instead of quietly dreading the event, I now have a list of people that I really, really want to meet.

The same strategies that I used are just as helpful when you are relocating across the city, the country or the world, and frankly, if I can manage it, anyone can. There will be hoards of you out there who are far better at this than I (hints and tips in the comments section are gratefully received!), but for those of us not so technically gifted, here’s the Defining Moves guide to Social Media and Relocating.

The two most useful for the accompanying partner are:

Facebook. There are 517,760,460 Facebook users – about 7% of the world’s population – and all of them are using it to connect with others.. So if you don’t currently have a Facebook page, now’s the time to start one. Here’s a great how-to link, and here’s our online security guide.

Twitter defines itself as “a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent messages. People write short updates, often called “Tweets” of 140 characters or fewer. These messages are posted to your profile or your blog, sent to your followers, and are searchable on Twitter search.” If, like me, it’s all very new, check out their FAQ page for more details.

Once you have an account, make it expat network friendly:

Post an appropriate photo of yourself. People feel more comfortable connecting with someone they can see, but make sure it is one you would be happy for your mother / employer / youngest child to see. Social media is all about sharing, remember..

Safeguard your personal information. Avoid entering very personal information such as contact details, religious and political philosophies, family member details and personal photos. There are control buttons to the left of all the information boxes which allow you to decide who can access your information, but it’s better not to enter it at all – accounts can and do get hacked.

Watch your Wall. The incoming information on your Facebook page is referred to as your ‘Wall’, and any of your friends can post something on it. As many have found to their cost, this is not always a good thing. Before you explore new networks, consider ‘hiding’ posts that may cause offense (there’s an X to the top right of each post), or where you have repeat offenders, an entire newsfeed. With Twitter, it’s called a Timeline, and you only have the option to block ‘tweets’ by specific people, but the same rule applies – carefully choose the company you keep, and if you inadvertently post something offensive, delete it immediately.

Use the Search and Hashtag (#) options. These are invaluable to relocating expats; searches involving ‘expat’, your location, and any hobbies or interests will quickly give you a list of people and groups who are delighted to hear from you. If you want to keep track of ongoing responses to a search term, a (free!) service like Hootsuite will allow you to have all your Social Media accounts and searches in one place, and update them for you. Be warned – it’s a little overwhelming at first, but is seriously useful if you want a constantly updated list of potential new friends.

Reach out. It’s not just enough to simply lurk in the background – you have to make contact with people. The best piece of relocation advice I was ever given related to making new friends; “it’s a numbers game”. The huge advantage with social media is that you have millions to choose from, so reach out to anyone with whom you may have something in common and introduce yourself. Not everyone will respond, but on the whole, if they exist on social media, it’s because they want to be social..

Network. Don’t limit yourself to the contacts found by your search terms – look at the groups they are involved with, their contacts etc. Just to start you off, here’s Defining Moves on Facebook and Twitter – feel free to Like and Follow. See? It’s working already!

Interfaith Calendar – Holy Days, Celebrations and Festivals in February 2012

Photo courtesy of morning_rumtea

February seems to be food month for many of the world’s religions – either as part of  the celebration of the transition from Winter to Spring, or the feasts marking beginning or end of a period of fasting. Here’s your interfaith calendar for February; dates are shown using the Gregorian (Western) calendar. Some dates may vary regionally because they are determined by the lunar calendar. Jewish festivals usually begin at sunset on the previous day.

 2

Candlemass (Christian)

Also known as the Presentation of Christ in the Temple, it marks the day that Mary took Jesus to the Temple to present him to God.

Imbolc / Oimelc / Candlemass (Pagan)

Celebration of the changing of the seasons and the growing strength of the sun

3

Rissun / Setsuban (Shinto)

The Festival of the change of the season from Winter to Spring, celebrated by the scattering of beans in the home and the temple.

4

Milad un Nabi / Mawlid an Nabi (Muslim)

The birth of the Prophet Muhammed is celebrated today by large numbers of Sunni Muslims. Because it is also the date of his death, it is considered a quiet holiday, and is marked by the retelling of stories about the Prophet Muhammed’s life by parents to their children.

7

Magha Puja (Buddhist)

Also known as Fourfold assembly day.

8

Parinirvana – Nirvana Day (Buddhist)

Marks the anniversary of Buddha’s death and his achievement of nirvana (enlightenment) at the age of 80.

Tu B’Sherat (Jewish)

The Jewish celebration of Spring, the ‘New Year for Trees’, and a day when ‘fruits’ associated with the Torah often eaten, namely wheat, barley, grapes, figs, pomegranates, olives and dates.

 9

Milad un Nabi / Mawlid (Muslim)

The marking of the birthday of the Prophet Muhammed for Shia Muslims.

 11

Our Lady of Lourdes (Christian)

Marks the first time the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to St Bernadette in a vision (1858).

 14

St Valentine’s Day (Christian, Secular)

First celebrated in 496, this festival is historically associated with fertility, and is now seen worldwide as a day to celebrate love. It is often marked by the sending of anonymous cards and gifts to loved ones.

15

Nirvana Day  (Buddhist)

Alternate date to the 8th February.

20

Mahashivrati (Hindu)

The festival honoring Shiva, one of the Deities of the Hindu Trinity. It is traditionally celebrated by overnight fasting, and the dedication of food prepared from seasonal fruits and vegetable, which are then eaten for ‘break fast’ the next morning.

 21

Shrove Tuesday / Pancake Day / Mardi Gras (Christian / Secular)

Marks the day before Lent begins, and is derived from the ancient ritual of ‘shriving’ – confession sins. The practice of eating pancakes comes from the need to use up perishable foods before the 40 days of Lenten fasting begins. Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday) has the same origins.

 22

Ash Wednesday (Christian)

The first day of Lent, traditionally marked by fasting to represent the 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness.

27

Clean Monday (Christian Orthodox)

The beginning of Great Lent in the Christian Orthodox calendar.

Vintage photo of five girls on a horse

Essential Expat – Negotiating your International Assignment Contract

Vintage photo of five girls on a horse
Photo courtesy of the State Library of Queensland

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When it comes to international assignments, relocation policy is not just a ‘one-size-fits-all’ affair. Not only is there flexibility to cater for specific individual needs within the various policies in use, there are also plenty of potential pitfalls to consider too. So what are the main areas that you need to understand when negotiating your expat assignment contract?

Home or Away. There are now a number of different types of contracts being used by the HR and relocation companies to manage your assignment. The two most common are local (including local plus)  and international. Local means that you will be temporarily governed by the employment pay and conditions of the host country, and aims to ensure parity among employees within a specific location for the duration of your contract. It can mean a increase in salary for more expensive regions, but a decrease for less expensive, and can significantly affect annual vacation entitlement. Local plus provides for additional needs or expenses incurred because of your temporary expat status, such as international school fees and trips home.

An international contract means you continue to work under the terms and conditions of your home location, regardless of the salary and benefit entitlements in your host location. As a comparison, European employees on an international assignment in the US would probably be entitled  to more annual leave days than their American counterparts, whereas US employees heading to Europe would find the opposite was true.

Matching Up. Once you have established what type of contract you will be working under, you need to look carefully at the terms and conditions of that contract, most specifically with regard to equalization. You need to be sure that the package provided gives you the same (or better) standard of living as you would have in your home location. It is more than just the immediate basic requirements – housing, healthcare, schooling, transportation, financial and legal status – you also need to consider the longer term: school planning, college eligibility and fees, provision for dependents becoming legally adult, access to legal services should you need them, long term medical and social care, financial planning, tax implications and superannuation (company pension plan). You will need to do detailed research in advance with reference to your specific individual and family needs, and if you have a preliminary visit, try and talk to resident expats to get a realistic picture of what the cost of living in your host location might be, and what challenges to expect. Don’t assume that the information given by the relocation management company is accurate – they use a generic formula that may have little relevance to your situation and needs. There are plenty of resources available to help you – Living Abroad, the ExpatInfoDesk , Journeywoman and Expatwomen all have country specific information and contacts that can help you understand what you are getting into.

Homeward Bound

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” – Nelson Mandela

What happens when your contracted assignment is over? In an ideal world, there is a clear progression that goes beyond your repatriation, and provides for a smooth transition back to your home location.  Even with successful international assignments, many people have discovered that repatriation is as hard as expatriation, and there is an increasing awareness that companies need to provide similar support services to move employees back to their former home successfully. And finally, ensure that you are supported should the assignment not go to plan, and either the whole family or the dependents need to repatriate early. If the situation is serious enough to make you leave, the last thing you need is to have to manage and fund your own return journey..

Additional resources:

Expat Info Desk – Negotiating your contract

ExpatArrivals – Expat contract negotiation

BritishExpat – Negotiating the expat contract

 

The Top 10 Concerns of Expats #1 – The Defining Moves Version

 

The HSBC’s Expat Explorer survey describing the top 10 barriers to relocating was recently discussed over at ShelterOffshore.com, who very kindly put together professional, well thought out advice for the 4100 respondents to the survey. Here’s the first part of my quick and dirty version, for the lost souls who stumble upon this site..

Another happy day out in Wales.. Seriously.

1) Re-establishing a Social Life

41% of all those surveyed advised that this was a key concern for them prior to and initially following their relocation abroad…highlighting just how important it is for us all to have friends and social contact.

Get out there. Bottom line, the only things you will make friends with in your own home are the TV and the refrigerator. The best piece of advice that I received on my somewhat less than comprehensive pre-assignment briefing was that “It’s a numbers game”. You have to filter through the masses to find the ones you want to spend time with. Put another way, if you want to find the diamonds, you have to go down the mine and get dirty. So, trite cliches aside, join the PTA /PTO, call the international school and embassy to see if they have lists of expat groups, take a class, join a sports club or gym (last resort for me due to ingrained laziness) and if all else fails, go and hang around the international food market and start up conversation with anyone who buys the Branston Pickle / Vegemite / Reeses Peanut Butter Cups / whatever your preferred food item might be. Many a lasting friendship begins over a a bar of Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut, as Suzanne (Kenya), Liz & Kate (Los Angeles)and Emma & Staci (San Francisco) will attest.

2) Feeling Lonely / Missing Family & Friends

This of course ties in with the above point, and 34% of expats surveyed by HSBC highlighted this as a genuine worry.  Recent statistical evidence from the Centre of Future Studies also reveals that the expats who adjust most successfully and quickly are those who relocate with families..

One word. Skype. Your job before you leave town (or on your first trip home) is to insist firmly that all family members and close friends download Skype. (Boy, do I wish I was on commission right now..). This magical form of communication means that with the simple addition of a webcam, you can not only talk to loved ones, you can see what their hair is doing today. And nothing says togetherness more than commiserating over your “I’m new in town and can’t find a hairdresser” motif. Should you have a social group that is stuck in the pre-technology age, Skype does offer a monthly subscription that allows unlimited calls to landlines in 34 countries for ‘free’ (obviously you’ve paid a subscription, so it’s not really free, for the accountants amongst you) and cheap calls to cellphones. The bad news is that you will require internet access, so if that’s not possible, use Rebtel, which only requires a cellphone, and handles the internet bit for you.

3) Career Concerns

Oh blimey. Where to start. Probably with Jennifer Bradley’s Free Career Mentorship Classes.. Just to make it even easier, they’re online.

 4) Language Barriers

30% of those surveyed stated that they were worried about language being a barrier to their successful integration abroad – with many Brits relocating to Europe particularly concerned.

Learn the language as you will use it, and get used to feeling ridiculous. There are some excellent resources out there, the more formal being Berlitz and Rosetta Stone, but there are also endless apps, podcasts and online resources, so you have absolutely no excuses. One of my favorites is Fluent in 3 Months, which requires you to spend a lot of time feeling foolish and inept, but long as you have a sense of humor and a willingness to make mistakes, you will develop reasonable fluency in a very short amount of time.

Part 2  of the Top 10 Concerns of Expats (Defining Moves version) continues on Thursday. Don’t want to miss it? Subscribe on the right!

Gender issues and organizational capability.. Best Foot Forward..

New Year, and a fresh start. That was obviously the motto of the Other Half, who failed to read my resolution rebellion, and decided to start 2012 as he meant to go on. With clean shoes.

There may be those of you out there who are as confused as I was about the role of shiny footwear in the overall success of 2012, but to the OH, it seemed crucial. So much so, that at 10am on New Years Day, as I reclined in bed carrying out global anthropological research*, I was suddenly buried under a deluge of books, laptops and bedside lamps that had formerly resided peacefully on my bedside trunk. This was swiftly followed by the opening and closing of the trunk lid, and then repeated with the two other trunks in the bedroom. (Those of you who have moved frequently will understand the multifaceted role that a nice wooden trunk can play – storage, furniture, seating, ladder alternative.. the list is endless). The body language that accompanied this performance can only be described as thunderous, and is usually only seen during last minute tax preparation or receipt of the Wiggy One’s grade card. Bearing in mind that we are in the process of renewing our US visas, I assumed that a vital piece of documentation had gone missing, so in ‘Very Good Wife’ mode, I asked what he was looking for.

Which just reinforces the old adage about the word ‘assume’, because what had triggered the house wide devastation was not a search for the meaning of life, the holy Grail or even last year’s W-2, but merely shoe polish. It’s not often I’m lost for words, but I have to admit that I was completely nonplussed. And then I laughed, which is right up there with assume on the list of things not to do when a partner’s credibility is at stake. There immediately ensued what would be described in a toddler as a tantrum, a teenager as acting out, but the OH describes as  righteous indignation. He needed the shoe polish, he wasn’t going to waste $20 buying more because our shoe polish kit “had brushes and everything'”(obviously there is a worldwide shortage of bristle that has slipped my attention) and moreover, it was always like this – he can “never find anything in this house”.

I did agree with the sentiment, but not so much the person at fault. It has long been observed that the burden of putting away, filing and finding falls with the female members of the household, while the males prefer to build cairns with everything that comes out of their pockets, and are unable to locate any items unless at eye level, and clearly labeled. For instance, butter cannot be found in the fridge unless it is still in the wrapper with the word ‘butter’ facing forward, and paperwork can be easily found in the clearly labeled files, but once liberated, there is huge confusion about which file to put them back in, so they get helpfully slotted between files and left to slip into the black hole underneath.

I wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t told by any number of his work colleagues that he is not only exceedingly competent in the organizational arts, but that he always calm, and nothing ever ruffles his feathers. So quite why I had the human version of a startled pufferfish slamming around the bedroom beggars belief. Suggestions about where he might look just increased the pitch and volume of responses, so I tore myself from my studies to assist with the search.

There are two things I had working in my favor. I have a process for dealing with the cairns that involves putting all the items in a bag and informing the OH of their location and need for attention. His response is to immediately restart cairn construction and to dump the existing bag in the far recesses of the closet. When we moved from Los Angeles, the contents of that closet were put in a box for his perusal, where it has remained undisturbed for the last 18 months, despite my timely reminders. And as the shoe brushes were last used at least that long ago and hadn’t been seen since, I had a pretty good idea that the two might be linked.

My New Year has started afresh on the moral high ground. For there, nestled in the box of assorted junk, was the show polish kit, complete with brushes. Throughout the hullaballoo, I kept calm and smiling, and it made victory all the sweeter. I like to think there was Divine Intervention, that someone, somewhere was rewarding me for 18 years of singlehandedly trying to keep chaos at bay, and emphatically proving that at home, the OH has the organizational skills of a goldfish.

It’s going to be a good 2012..

*watching YouTube.

Backpacker Vs Expat – Defining the Characteristics

A very worrying tongue-in-cheek post from the good people over at ExpatInfoDesk. It obviously can’t apply to me. I don’t own a pair of RayBans…

To be a backpacker you must…

  • Have never actually worked abroad before. In fact, you may never have worked at all.
  • Suddenly develop an obsession with ethnic clothing and tie-dyed sarongs and actually believe that you look cool.
  • Believe that it is totally fine to go days without washing, even though you are staying in a modern hostel that has state-of-the-art communal showers.
  • Spend more time updating your Facebook status and online traveler’s blog with details of your amazing adventures than you actually spend having them.
  • Be able to say the word “beer” in at least six languages.
  • Set out with the intention of seeing “the real world” and then spend the majority of your time hanging out at hostels and backpacker bars as far away from the locals as you can possibly get.
  • Grow a beard: have beard, will travel.
  • Own a pair of knock-off Ray Ban sunglasses and some flip flops.

To be an expat you must…

  • Once have had an amazing career but since being relocated for your partner’s job you can’t find work at all.
  • Suddenly develop an obsession with the weather conditions in several countries.
  • Believe that it is totally fine to drive without lights, run a red light and change lanes without signaling.
  • Spend more time updating geo-bragging about the amazing lifestyle you have abroad than you actually spend enjoying it.
  • Be able to say the word “wife” and “girlfriend” in one sentence without your friends batting an eyelid.
  • Set out with the intention of really experiencing life in your host country and then spend the majority of your time hanging out in expatriate bars as far away from the locals as you can get.
  • Grow increasingly frustrated with your host country and moan to your fellow expatriates about how bad everything is, but then tell your friends back home that you’re living the dream.
  • Own a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses and some flip flops.