Tag Archives: TCK

Tools for Transition - Expat Parenting Resources. Defining Moves - the art of successful relocation. Information, Inspiration and resources for the global trailing spouse, accompanying partner and international assignment

Expat Parenting: Relocation Resources for Parents, Expat Children and Cross Culture Kids

Tools for Transition - Expat Parenting Resources. Defining Moves - the art of successful relocation. Information, Inspiration and resources for the global trailing spouse, accompanying partner and international assignmentExpat parenting is tricky. Brookfield’s 2012 Global Relocation Trends survey reported that 43% of international assignments involved families with children and for those of us who make up that statistic, it’s a constant balancing act – wanting our newly expat children to experience the world, other cultures and languages, while trying desperately not to scar them for life with constant upheaval. As a parent whose oldest child announced in February that we had “ruined his life” only to be startled by a choice of college major that involved global travel, it appears we are never going to get it right. Still, in the interests of improving my (obviously poor) expat parenting rating, I have compiled a list of relocation resources that others in the same boat can turn to in their hour(s) of need…

Full disclosure. I have received no compensation from anyone for this post (unless you count the three bars of Australian Cadbury’s Fruit & Nut chocolate that Trisha Carter of the CICollective smuggled into FIGT 2013 for me. But as she managed to inadvertently leave with my Burberry sunglasses and signed copy of An Inconvenient Posting, I would argue that I still have the financial moral high ground..), and the opinions expressed are my own.

 

CiCollective.

The brainchild of psychologist and Intercultural specialist Trisha Carter, this comprehensive resource provides ebooks, webinars, podcasts and an Ask the Expert forum for families going through global transition. There are plenty of excellent tools and information for the adult family members (the CICollective has one of the best family-centered transition collections I have seen), the resources aimed at children are down to earth, useable and address the needs of the different age groups individually.

Trisha’s passion and expertise shines through in the attention to detail and very personal feel, while her use of professional educators in developing each child-centred resource means that you get the best possible advice from both perspectives. Access to the site is provided through individual or corporate membership, and the monthly newsletters announcing the latest offerings testify to Trisha’s awe-inspiring work ethic.. Visit the CiCollective here.

 

Pixie’s New Home

Written by Emmanuelle Payot Karpathakis, herself an expat and mother of CCKs, Pixie’s New home is a wonderful way to introduce young children to the idea of moving, addressing many the emotions and challenges of relocation. Beautiful illustrations allow even pre-readers to follow Pixie’s experiences, encouraging children to ask questions and discuss concerns with parents, while keeping hold of the excitement, the hopes and the potential for new friends and adventures.

Pixie’s New Home is available in English, French, Spanish, Portuguese, German and Russian, with both more languages and adventures to come.

Read more about Pixie here

 

Transitional Learning.

At the recent FIGT conference, I was mesmerized by a stuffed caterpillar (complete with tiny wings) making it’s way around the halls. It was accompanied by Dr Jill Kristal, a clinical psychologist who, along with her colleagues at Transitional Learning, specializes in supporting individuals and families through transition. The company  produces the excellent ‘Our Move‘ range of resources that help stimulate discussion and address the issues of moving from a child’s perspective. They are tools that I wish I had known about when we first started moving, and reflect both Jill’s personal and professional experiences of expat life, being both simple, accessible and genuinely fun to use. They focus not just on the challenges ahead, but also on a wider perspective – questions like ‘What will you be glad to leave behind?” (inevitably one of the teachers) and “Who do you think is most excited about moving?” prompt children to see the move from a family perspective rather than a solely personal one.

As for the caterpillar? It’s a testament to Jill’s commitment to encouraging others that she should come to a conference carrying a product by another company rather than promoting her own – in this case Kimochis, a series of seven different soft toys designed to help children express their emotions. Bugs (the name of aforementioned creature) was brought to FIGT specifically because he “is afraid of change and has to work on being brave and preparing himself for something new”. Each character comes with a set three ‘feelings’ which can be tucked into the toy’s tummy to reflect the feelings of it’s owner, so it was fascinating to watch Bug’s (and Jill’s!) progress over the two days.  Frankly, some days I could do with one all of my own..

 

Sea Change Mentoring

Sea Change Mentoring is an organization founded by the dynamic Ellen Mahoney, which pairs teens in global transition with mentors who have already successfully navigated expat childhood and adolescence. As a parent of a teen, I am all too aware of the need for communication outside of the occasional grunt, but am stymied by the fact that my status as parent automatically excludes me from any meaningful dialogue. Meanwhile, life on the move means young adults don’t necessarily have access to friends and family who understand the challenges, and parents who are struggling with their own adaptations. Enter SeaChange Mentors, who I like to think of as Expat Life tutors, allowing teens to work through the problems and confusion of nomadic life in a safe space with expertise and real life experience – and let the parents simply be parents.

Mentoring (like most of teenage life..) is carried out online by professional mentors, and while there is a well developed curriculum underpinning the program, the focus remains firmly on the needs of the individual. It’s online format means that the  mentoring relationship is portable, and so can provide a welcome source of stability at a time when everything else is in transition.

 

Arborbridge

While we are on the subject of the challenges of raising a teen, let me introduce you to Arborbridge. If you haven’t already heard of them, they are an online tutoring resource that, in their words “connect students all over the world to America’s most elite tutors.”. Which sounds ambitious, but if their website is anything to go by, they are doing a darn good job.

It’s a problem that most expats face; no matter how bright the child, how distinguished the school or how smooth the transition, there will be gaps in knowledge – both your child’s, and your own. The time spent moving, the impact of change or simply the differences in curricula between locations means that vital information will be missing, and when it comes to pre-college entry tests, the consequences of being unprepared get serious.

Enter Arborbridge. They provide an interactive tutoring platform for making college entry testing – the SAT and ACT – available globally, providing access not only to experienced, talented tutors (and let’s face it, finding decent tutors is an ongoing parental headache), but also to a full range of services to help you navigate the college admission minefield process.. The site also features free information on a range of high school curricula (the International Baccalaureate, for instance), international college applications, recommended / required standardized testing and links to all the relevant websites, so if (like me) you are struggling with the whole college entry issue, you might want to head over there..

 

The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition

It’s easy to think that once our children have made it to college, that all the challenges of a nomadic life magically disappear. In reality, college bound CCK’s often find that a lifetime spent away from the country that they think of as home has left them with more in common with international students than their fellow nationals. It’s an issue that expat parent, adult TCK, cross-cultural trainer and author  Tina Quick addresses in her groundbreaking book, The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition.

Tina’s passion, expat experiences and commitment to better preparing families for transition make this book a must read for anyone who has a college bound child. She clearly explains the challenges that they may face, using the voices of students themselves to introduce each section. Most importantly, Tina highlights practical suggestions for tackling each issue – and when I say practical, I mean it. It’s like sending your child off into the world with a reliable friend, an extra parent and a wise counselor all in one, and if there was one essential textbook that should be on every expat student list, it’s this one.

 

Expat Parenting – The International Peace Treaty..

expat parenting - how it takes more than one village to raise a CCK / TCK. Defining Moves, information, inspiration and resources for the global trailing spouse, accompanying partner, international assignment transferee..  When I originally wrote this post, I had yet to hit the expat parenting minefield that is the adolescent CCK (Cross Culture Kid). I now know firsthand the dubious pleasure of putting a career on hold to focus on transplanting children, only to be calmly told that I have “ruined” their lives.. 

Thus comes the realization that parenting is a truly thankless task, and it’s only the support of fellow sufferers that keep one from running screaming to the nearest liquor store. It’s why expat parents become experts at nurturing a large group of people who will provide support, comfort, alcohol and surveillance services through our child’s teenage years, people who, regardless of location, language, culture or religion, follow the same, previously unwritten code. For those of you who we rely on for our daily dose of sanity, here it is..

  1. Thou shalt not post pictures of home-made birthday cake excellence on Facebook, so that my children spot them and spend the next ten years bringing up my own birthday cake inadequacies.
  2. Thou shalt not point out that your child is walking and talking while mine has spent the last three hours with his hands down his trousers.
  3. When spying my child indulging in antisocial activities in public, thou shalt utter the words “her mother will be very cross when she finds out about that”; implicitly underlining that a) I am the all seeing, attentive parent, and b) I have high behavioral standards. It is irrelevant whether you believe this or not, and extra credit is given for saying it when other parents are present.
  4. When spying my child inappropriately dressed, thou shalt sing out in a helpful tone “Would you like me to call your mother to drop off your sweater / trousers / anything that doesn’t look like a Britney Spears outfit?”, thus communicating to the child that a) she’s busted; b) you are willing to go there; and c) there are eyes everywhere. Extra credit is given for not telling me about inappropriate attire unless there is a repeat occurrence.
  5. When my teenage child makes an inappropriate remark, thou shalt enter into a lengthy and awkward story about your own teenage angst, preferably with reference to kissing. The mental picture of adults ever indulging in such behavior is enough to silence any outburst, and serves as a cruel and unusual punishment which rarely has to be repeated.
  6. When my child comes looking for sympathy about my latest parenting gaffe, thou shalt listen kindly and then retell the story about how aforementioned child once had diarrhea next to the deli counter in a crowded supermarket, and until life roles are reversed, I still have the moral high ground.
  7. When my child comes looking for support in opposition to the latest parenting policy, thou shalt listen sympathetically, nod furiously, make noises of agreement, and then reiterate policy without the benefit of parent type shrieking. Extra credit is given if child thanks you for being so reasonable and fails to notice that it is the same policy.
  8. When my child leaves home, thou shalt not mention how many times I uttered the words “I can’t wait for them to leave home” and instead hand over tissues and gin to drown my sorrows.
  9. Should my child get married, thou shalt attend the wedding without publicly mentioning the pant fumbling, the diarrhea, the inappropriate clothing or the teenage years. Extra credit is given for having photographic evidence for use in ensuring timely Christmas visits etc.
  10. When my child has children, thou shalt join me in watching them recreate all my worst mistakes, smile and enjoy the show..

Photo courtesy of Clare Kruse, who inspired this post by breaking Rule 1..